✅ Expert reviewed
This article has been reviewed by a licensed relationship therapist to ensure that the guidance on healing after infidelity is compassionate, realistic, and grounded in current research on trust and repair.
Can you fix a relationship after cheating?
Trust is an important and essential part of any relationship, and when your partner does harmful and hurtful things to you — lie, cheat, have an affair, deceive — that trust is broken. But infidelity does not always mean the relationship is doomed, and it is possible to fix a relationship after cheating.
While it may take a lot of time, if you want to save your relationship, it is important to embark on a healthy healing process. This applies to both the betrayed partner and the cheating partner because if someone cheats, it is like going back to the beginning in terms of trust.
In a landmark study funded by the National Institutes of Health, which followed more than 300 couples for over 30 years, the happiest couples were asked to name their most important relationship expectation.
A huge majority — 92% of men and 96% of women — answered: “You should feel that your partner would never hurt or deceive you.” In other words, there has to be trust. So what should you do when one of you breaks that trust?
Key takeaways
Relationships can recover from cheating, but there is no quick fix. Both partners have to be willing to take the necessary steps to heal from the affair in order to move on and form a healthy relationship.
Whether you stay is ultimately your decision. The question of staying with someone — or taking someone back — after they have been unfaithful can only be answered by you. The decision should be based on whether you can see a future together beyond the infidelity, not on what other people would do.
Repairing a relationship after infidelity takes time and hard work. It usually involves rebuilding trust, investing time in the relationship, and often seeking support from a professional therapist to put you on the right path.
Can relationships recover from cheating?
Yes, a relationship can recover from cheating — under certain conditions.
The most obvious requirement is that both of you are genuinely willing to move on and work together as a team to save the relationship in the first place.
If you have cheated, or been cheated on, the first step is deciding whether you want to work on the relationship or walk away.
Mending a relationship after infidelity takes work, and many people seek professional help if they feel this healing process will be worth it in the long run.
In the early days, it is very difficult to see past the infidelity, especially if you or your partner have started to see the unfaithful person as “the cheater” — a label that tends to stick.
However, if you are willing to leave the affair in the past, and you are ready to forgive your partner and rebuild trust, it is possible for the relationship to work again.
Should you stay with someone who cheated on you?
This is a question that only you can answer.
If your partner has cheated on you, it can take a long time to heal from the pain of that infidelity. It is important to take a step back and assess the situation instead of rushing into a decision.
Some people dive into the psychology of why people cheat, while others look at their relationship as a whole and what led things to this point.
If your partner is begging for your forgiveness, it is up to you whether you choose to believe them and whether you think the relationship is worth saving.
Because it can be hard to get enough distance to see things clearly, many people find it helpful to seek relationship advice. This might include individual or couples therapy, or talking with a trusted family member or friend — but the final decision still lies with you.
You can either give the relationship another chance or decide to give yourself time to heal before pursuing a new partnership.
If you are the unfaithful one, once you have come clean you have to put the ball in your partner’s court. Think about how your partner feels and try to give them the space they need to process what happened and decide what they want.
How to repair a relationship after cheating
1. Commit to rebuilding trust. To save your relationship after cheating, the first thing you need to do is work to rebuild or regain trust. Trust can be rebuilt, but it takes sustained effort and commitment from both partners — you cannot repair it alone.
Remember that this issue will not resolve itself in a few weeks or months; rebuilding trust usually takes a long time. You may be able to forgive your partner, but you will probably never forget what happened. The important question is whether you can live with that knowledge and still choose the relationship.
After something as serious as infidelity, trust issues will naturally haunt your relationship. If you are the one who has been unfaithful, earning back your partner’s trust can be a long road — but it is the only way to make the relationship work.
2. Invest time in your relationship. If you want to save a relationship after an affair, both partners have to be willing to invest time and emotional energy in the relationship.
Ask yourselves whether you are both open to soul‑searching, listening, and healing. If the answer is yes, agree together on a specific period — perhaps six weeks or six months — during which you will both commit to working on the relationship.
During this time, focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy through open and honest communication. Even though this quality time is essential to your relationship’s survival, remember that it will take time for things to feel the same again, so be patient if date nights are not quite what they once were.
3. Apologise sincerely. To move on from the betrayal, the partner who cheated must offer a heartfelt, serious apology for their actions.
It cannot be flippant, defensive, or feel forced. The betrayed partner needs to believe that the unfaithful partner recognises the harm they caused and is willing to do the work to earn forgiveness.
Whether you accept an apology may depend on whether this was a one‑time behaviour or part of a repeated pattern in your relationship. If your partner continues to betray you, your chances of rebuilding trust decrease significantly.
4. Understand each other’s perspective. Both partners need to understand why the betrayal happened and how it has affected the relationship.
Do you have a sense of why your partner lied, cheated, or had an affair? Does your partner understand how you feel and how their actions have impacted you?
You do not have to agree with their reasons or motivations, but you both need to be able to talk honestly about what happened and what was missing. Try to understand where each other is coming from so you can tackle the underlying issues together rather than getting stuck in blame.
5. Resist self‑blame. It is often easy for the person who was betrayed to start blaming themselves.
Your self‑esteem and self‑worth are not dependent on your partner’s behaviour. Their infidelity is not your fault and never will be your fault.
If your partner tries to point fingers or suggests that you caused their actions, that can be a sign that the relationship is not currently healthy enough to be saved.
6. Express anger constructively. Both partners need space to express anger, grief, and frustration in healthy ways.
While it may feel cathartic to scream, shout, or rant on social media, those strategies rarely help with long‑term healing.
Research suggests that journaling or writing a letter you do not send can be a helpful way to process intense anger. Talking to a trusted friend or working with a couples therapist can also provide a safe outlet.
7. Affirm positive qualities. Thinking beyond your grief and anger to what is still positive in the relationship can gradually help you see the possibility of a future together.
Why are you with this person in the first place? Both partners can make lists of each other’s positive qualities and talk about the strengths that originally brought you together.
Instead of just romanticising the early days of dating, try to look deeply at your partner’s character and name the qualities that make you want to stay.
8. Seek assistance from a counsellor or therapist. When a relationship gets stuck in a cycle of hurt and anger, it can be very difficult to break that pattern alone.
You do not have to face this situation on your own. A qualified therapist can offer an outside perspective, tools for communication, and a structured space for both of you to process what happened.
Finding the right marriage or couples counsellor can help you decide whether and how to move forward, and can provide strategies for rebuilding trust and intimacy if you both decide to stay.
Frequently asked questions
Does infidelity pain ever go away? While it may not feel like it at first, the acute pain of infidelity does ease over time. The hurt can feel gut‑wrenching and world‑ending at the beginning, so do not expect yourself to simply “get over it”. With time, support, and intentional healing, the intensity of the pain usually softens and you can carry the experience without it defining you.
How do you stop loving someone who cheated on you? If you have decided that you cannot or do not want to heal from infidelity, it is okay to walk away from the relationship. Ending the relationship does not mean you instantly stop loving the other person, though. Many people grieve and still care deeply for an ex who hurt them. Over time, as you process what happened and rebuild your life, that love can transform — making space for new, healthier connections with people who would not be unfaithful to you.
