✅ Expert reviewed
This article has been reviewed by Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, psychotherapist and licensed professional counselor, and Moraya Seeger DeGeare, licensed marriage and family therapist, to ensure that the guidance on walking on eggshells in relationships is trauma‑informed, compassionate, and grounded in current clinical practice.
Signs you are walking on eggshells in your relationship
Healthy relationships are designed to bring out the best in each other. When you can communicate openly with your partner, it becomes easier to predict how they might react to certain situations or events — and to navigate those together.
If your partner is unpredictable or emotionally reactive, it can create the almost nauseating feeling of walking on eggshells. This overly cautious approach is usually a learned behaviour, where you constantly feel anxious that your partner may lash out, so you do everything you can to avoid triggering that reaction.
Walking on eggshells does not always mean you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it is still important to understand what is happening and how to respond — both for the sake of a healthy relationship and your own mental health.
What does walking on eggshells mean?
Walking on eggshells describes an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one partner feels overly cautious or nervous around the other.
It often involves worrying that anything you say or do might set your partner off, especially if they tend to react with anger, criticism, or emotional withdrawal.
“Walking on eggshells means that someone is very cautious, and even nervous, about doing or saying the wrong thing in front of their partner due to fearing that their partner will become upset or reactive,” says Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick, a psychotherapist and licensed professional counselor.
“Due to this fear, the individual will often be guarded and on edge and will be very slow and hesitant in the things they say or do around their partner.”
If this experience is short‑lived, it is not always a sign of ongoing emotional abuse. For example, your partner may have just received bad news at work and you are temporarily extra careful not to add to their stress.
Moraya Seeger DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist, warns that when the pattern becomes consistent and persistent, it can undermine the stability of the relationship — especially if one person is unable to regulate their emotions when faced with reasonable feedback, stress, or simple requests.
In truly healthy relationships, feeling like you have to tiptoe constantly is not normal. If this dynamic is allowed to continue, it can reduce your self‑esteem, confidence, and sense of self, and have a serious impact on your mental health.
What causes you to walk on eggshells in your relationship?
While some people are naturally more timid or shy, that is not the same thing as walking on eggshells. This response is usually a trained behaviour that develops in a particular relationship when past experiences teach you that it is safer to stay small and quiet.
“Individuals start walking on eggshells in a relationship when there have been repeated instances of their partner getting angry or upset about something the individual has said or done,” explains Dr. Fedrick.
“Often, their partner might get upset without warning, and the individual might have no clue that they were doing or saying something that was offensive. Thus, they are frequently caught off guard by their partner’s reactions, which can become distressing and unsettling.”
Sometimes there are additional factors at play, such as grief, depression, burnout, or other major life events that affect how someone copes with stress.
Seeger DeGeare notes that if the feeling of walking on eggshells is new, it is important to consider what else might be happening in your lives at the same time — while still taking your discomfort seriously.
In some cases, conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can be associated with emotional reactivity and unpredictable outbursts. People with these patterns may fall into irrational rages or mood swings that dominate their intimate relationships and can slip into emotional abuse.
“This reactive behavior can become very confusing for an individual because they are not certain what might set off their partner and so they just become overly cautious about most interactions,” says Dr. Fedrick.
Even when there are understandable reasons behind a partner’s behaviour, it is still important to pay attention to how the dynamic affects you and to consider the future of the relationship if nothing changes.
How does it feel to walk on eggshells?
Walking on eggshells affects both your relationship and your wellbeing.
“You may experience a sensation of tightness, discomfort, or uneasiness in your body when communicating with your partner,” says Seeger DeGeare.
“This is often accompanied by a sense of dread, which can manifest as an empty feeling in your stomach and a clenching of your jaw. However, everyone experiences this differently.”
Over time, you may change how you act around your partner to minimise risk. That cautiousness can spill out into other areas of life too, shaping how you show up with family members, friends, or colleagues.
Seeger DeGeare encourages people to notice whether their body shifts from feeling safe to feeling fearful, worried, or anxious during conversations with their partner, and to stay mindful of what they are experiencing in those moments.
In some toxic relationships, emotionally volatile behaviour can even be used to assert control. The fear of triggering an outburst may keep one partner stuck in a codependent dynamic where it feels hard to recognise emotional abuse or set boundaries.
“It feels very unsafe and unsettling to be in this type of relationship because you can never be fully relaxed or feel secure,” says Dr. Fedrick.
“You are constantly worrying what you might say or do that will set your partner off next, and thus, many people start to withdraw and interact less and less.”
This can make it difficult to state or even form your own opinions, because you are focused on avoiding conflict. Being repeatedly subjected to emotional outbursts takes a toll and is rarely sustainable in a long‑term relationship.
“Being in this type of relationship often leads to increased symptoms of anxiety and depression due to an increase in fear and worry,” Dr. Fedrick adds.
10 signs you are walking on eggshells in your relationship
When you are in an emotionally unhealthy relationship, it can be easy to minimise or justify your partner’s behaviour.
According to experts, these are some common signs that you are consistently walking on eggshells:
1. You constantly worry about the things you say or do in front of your partner.
2. You tend to overthink your interactions with your partner and replay conversations, wondering if you upset them.
3. You become hypervigilant about shifts in your partner’s moods, facial expressions, and behaviours, trying to work out whether they are upset with you.
4. You apologise frequently and excessively, even when you have done nothing wrong.
5. You over‑explain your decisions or behaviours to avoid being misunderstood.
6. You are often in a state of fear or discomfort because you do not know how your partner might react.
7. Your personality shifts as you withdraw and interact with others less.
8. You second‑guess yourself a lot and have a hard time making decisions on your own.
9. You notice increased symptoms of anxiety or depression.
10. You often check in with other people for validation to see if your thoughts and feelings “make sense.”
Is walking on eggshells a sign of an unhealthy relationship?
Feeling like you are walking on eggshells can signal unhealthy behaviours or patterns, but it does not automatically mean the relationship is toxic beyond repair.
“Walking on eggshells can certainly be a sign of an unhealthy relationship if these behaviors are the result of events that have taken place in this relationship,” says Dr. Fedrick.
She notes that it is especially concerning if you did not behave this way in previous relationships but have started since being with your current partner, due to their repeated outbursts, overreactions, or frequent anger.
Seeger DeGeare adds that it is not always helpful to immediately assume emotional abuse. Instead, she recommends getting curious about what brought on the eggshell feeling, and whether both partners are willing to talk honestly about what is happening.
Even when some of these behaviours are present, they do not have to define the relationship forever — as long as both people are committed to communicating and changing the dynamic in a healthy, safe way.
Are there any benefits to being extra cautious?
Because walking on eggshells is often a reaction to emotional abuse or repeated volatility, it may feel strange to talk about potential benefits.
In isolation, though, being aware of your partner’s feelings and thinking carefully about how you communicate can sometimes open up new lines of understanding — especially if it leads to honest conversations about capacity, mental health, and support.
“Although it may not seem like it, being cautious and sensitive in a relationship can actually strengthen it,” says Seeger DeGeare.
Being attentive to each other’s emotions is a key foundation of any relationship. While walking on eggshells is an extreme and often unhealthy version of this, a milder form of sensitivity can be helpful when a partner is going through a major life event.
“If your partner is openly dealing with a major event and discussing their capabilities and external support, it can lead to a deeper understanding of each other and vulnerability in your relationship,” Seeger DeGeare explains.
Ultimately, challenges are inevitable in any relationship. What matters is how you handle them together — ideally in ways that allow you to eventually step off the eggshells rather than getting stuck on them.
How to deal with walking on eggshells in your relationship
Feeling like you are walking on eggshells is exhausting. Once you recognise the pattern, it is important to try to break the cycle.
This may involve seeking professional help, having vulnerable conversations with your partner, or in some cases re‑evaluating whether the relationship is truly safe for you.
“If you recognize that you’re walking on eggshells in a relationship, it’s crucial to communicate this concern to your partner to request that you work together on improving this aspect of your relationship,” says Dr. Fedrick.
At the same time, she notes that walking on eggshells is often one piece of a larger toxic dynamic. It can be helpful to step back and assess whether other harmful behaviours are present, such as:
• Physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or any other type of abuse. • A repeated cycle of intense infatuation, intense conflict, breaking up, never resolving the core issue, and then returning to intense infatuation. • Frequent use of manipulation or guilt to control the other partner. • Regular violations of boundaries. • Refusal to engage in therapy or other forms of healing and self‑improvement. • A lack of safety to openly express wants, needs, concerns, or hurts. • Repeated empty promises to change, with little real follow‑through. • One or both partners constantly feeling like they are walking on eggshells. • Embarrassing or putting each other down, especially in public. • A pattern of playing the “victim” or “martyr” instead of taking responsibility. • Threatening self‑harm or other violence if the relationship were to end.
If you recognise several of these signs, it is important to carefully consider how you feel in the relationship, away from your partner’s influence. Journalling, talking with a trusted friend, or working with a therapist can help you tune back into your own voice.
“If you believe you might be in a toxic relationship, one of the best places to start is self‑reflection,” says Dr. Fedrick. “Stop to consider how your mental health has changed since getting into this relationship, if this relationship brings out the best or worst in you, if you are starting to behave in ways you do not recognise.”
If you decide that the dynamic is unhealthy, a mental health professional who specialises in relationships and trauma can help you process what has been happening, explore safer ways of relating, and, if necessary, plan a path out of the relationship.
Is walking on eggshells a trauma response?
Walking on eggshells is often triggered by a partner’s emotional reactions, but it can also be rooted in earlier relationship patterns.
“Walking on eggshells can be a trauma response depending on the situation,” says Dr. Fedrick.
Many of our behaviours in adult romantic relationships come from our “relational programming” — the experiences we had with primary caregivers in childhood that shape what we believe about love, safety, and conflict.
If you grew up in a chaotic or unpredictable home, for example, you may have learned to scan for danger, stay small, or manage other people’s emotions as a way to feel safer. Those patterns can easily resurface in adult relationships, especially with partners who repeat similar dynamics.
Recognising that some of your reactions might be trauma‑linked is not about blaming yourself. Instead, it can be a compassionate first step towards getting the support you deserve.
Where does the phrase “walking on eggshells” come from?
“Walking on eggshells” is an idiomatic expression whose exact origin is unclear.
Some theories suggest it can be taken literally: trying to walk on eggshells without breaking them requires great care and delicacy, much like navigating a volatile relationship.
Other stories trace the phrase back to the Chinese Tang Dynasty, where noblemen were said to place painted eggs on the ground and try to walk over them without breaking them to showcase their agility and grace.
Wherever it comes from, the modern meaning is the same: feeling like you have to move through your relationship with extreme caution to avoid setting off a negative reaction.
Where to get help if you feel unsafe
If you ever feel that you or someone you love is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number (such as 911 in the United States) and ask for the police.
If you are experiencing any form of domestic violence or emotional abuse, you do not have to face it alone. Confidential support is available:
• National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): 1‑800‑799‑7233 (SAFE) or 1‑800‑787‑3224 (TTY). You can also find safety‑planning tools and resources at NCADV’s Get Help page. • National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (US): 800‑656‑HOPE (4673). Learn more or start a confidential chat at RAINN’s hotline page.
If you are outside the US, look for local crisis helplines, domestic violence services, or sexual assault support organisations in your area. A therapist, doctor, or trusted community leader may also be able to help you find region‑specific resources.
Whatever your situation, remember that nobody deserves to live in fear in their own relationship. Support is available, and reaching out is a strong and courageous step.
