✅ Expert reviewed
This article includes insight from sex therapist Rebecca Lowrie and clinical psychologist Michaela Thomas to make sure the advice is grounded in consent, communication, and emotional safety.
Why dirty talk matters in a long-distance relationship
A long-distance relationship can mean lots of lonely nights with no company, so we put together 24 ways to initiate dirty talk for a long-distance relationship to build excitement when you are not together.
“These days it is easier than ever to spice up your sex life in a long-distance relationship,” explains sex therapist Rebecca Lowrie. “Sexting, sexy times together over video calls, and even remote-controlled sex toys make it possible to keep the heat turned up even when you are not physically together.”
Sex can bring intimacy into a relationship, bringing you and your partner closer, so dirty talk and sexting can remind your long-distance partner that you are thinking of them and cannot wait to physically have sex with them.
“Talking dirty can help long-distance relationships as it allows for a physical connection which is otherwise a challenge when being distant,” explains Michaela Thomas, a clinical psychologist and author of The Lasting Connection.
How to talk about dirty talk first
Of course, the reaction we hope for when we start talking dirty to a partner is shock and delight. But while some couples love the idea of it, others may struggle with stepping outside their comfort zone.
Make sure you communicate how you feel about it while in a safe emotional space with your significant other.
“Before you start sexy talking with your partner, have a conversation about whether you both like it or not,” Lowrie says. “If you do like it, share what you each like about it. Then practise it together. Make it fun and explore what works well and what does not.”
Thomas agrees. “Approach it with curiosity and talk about it rather than launch straight into it. Sex communication (talking about your needs, wishes, fears in the bedroom) is more impactful for your sexual satisfaction than the actual act, or the frequency of any act, so make sure to keep talking — before you talk dirty.”
If you want extra help getting that first conversation going, you can also read our guide on how to talk about sex with your partner.
How do you start a dirty conversation in a long-distance relationship?
If you are a newbie, Lowrie advises thinking of it like flirting and foreplay. Test the water and progress from there.
“You might tell them something you would like them to do to you or that you would like to do with them,” Lowrie advises. Be as playful as possible, bringing in personal touches that mean something to both of you.
Two sexy ways of talking dirty to your partner are asking them questions or being more provocative with dirty phrases that you know will turn them on, via text or WhatsApp.
But how provocative should you be? “You can be as provocative as feels good to you,” Lowrie says. “Do not send or say something that is not true to who you are. Be yourself. Also, be mindful that technology is not always private and confidential.”
Still unsure? There are many advantages to talking dirty in a long-distance relationship, and it is not just the obvious.
“Daring to be vulnerable with each other, like you do when writing provocative things, can foster closeness, simply because vulnerability feeds connection,” says Thomas.
12 flirty and dirty questions to ask your long-distance partner
Need inspiration for dirty phrases and sexting for your long-distance relationship? Try starting with questions like these:
What is your wildest fantasy?
Where would you like to have sex with me?
Are you alone?
What is your favourite sex position with me?
Do you want to FaceTime naked?
What would you do to me if you were here in my bed right now?
Sex in the kitchen next weekend?
Can I send you some naked photos?
Is there a sex position we have not tried yet that you would want to do with me now?
Can you make me orgasm in the shower next time I see you?
Shall we watch porn together?
Fancy tying me up soon?
12 dirty texts to turn your LDR partner on
Once you are both on the same page, you can play with more direct sexts. Here are some ideas to borrow or adapt:
I am thinking about you naked.
You always know how to turn me on.
I cannot wait to scream your name again.
I have woken up feeling really horny.
I am not wearing any knickers.
What are you wearing?
I had a very naughty dream about you last night.
I miss your tongue on my body.
I am lying in bed, naked, all on my own.
I am wearing those sexy panties you love.
I am thinking of you right now as I touch myself.
Shall I tell you what I want to do to you next weekend… in detail?
Keeping the spark alive from a distance
Talking dirty in a long-distance relationship is not about performing or pretending to be someone else; it is about sharing your desire in a way that feels authentic to you.
Go at a pace that feels safe for both of you, keep checking in about boundaries and comfort levels, and remember that the goal is connection, not perfection.
If you enjoy these ideas, you can keep exploring together with games and exercises inside the Lova app to help you stay emotionally and sexually close, even when you are miles apart.
